Caleb Landry Jones for L’Uomo Vogue March 2012
(Inspired by all of the “Shame” on my dash)
I dream about sex.
Sex is the first thing on my mind when I wake up.
“Fuck, I gotta take care of this morning wood.”
I think about sex while getting dressed.
“Why am I doing this? I should be getting naked.”
I think about sex while eating.
“This is good, but I’m really hungry for dick.”
I think about sex while driving.
“I’d much rather be driving Charles…crazy in bed.”
I think about sex while I’m at work.
“That’s it, no more personal calls from Erik!”
I have very selective hearing. Everything you say is a sexual innuendo.
“I’m sorry, you just said bone.” (FYI: The guy was talking about his dog.)
I get all hot and bothered in the strangest places.
“Don’t look at the wieners and buns. Don’t look at the wieners and buns.”
No matter what I do, I can’t stop thinking about sex.
“This Oreo would taste better filled with Alex’s cream.”
“That rim job last night was awesome. I wonder if it’ll happen again.”
“I could be having sex right now.”
When it comes to PDA, I am shameless.
When I’m in the mood, there is no stopping me.
I will take it any way.
If I’m not having sex, this is how I spend most of my free time.
If I find myself alone, I take matters into my own hands. Literally.
After I get my rocks off, I’m horny again just a short while later.
My libido is like the energizer bunny, it keeps going, and going, and going…
If I go without sex for more than a day, I’m depressed
I can be downright savage.
Some people say I should see a sex therapist. I say
I’d probably end up fucking my therapist anyway.
The way I see it, there is no changing me.
A sex addicted mutant.
(gifs not mine, all credit goes to their original creators)
LOOK AT THAT FACE.
Hank, if anything like this happens to me again, I will hurt you. and I don’t care if everyone else is watching alright? They can watch all they want. I WILL hurt you.